I

I don’t know why lately I seem to dislike using spaces and commas; even with such a long sentence, not adding any punctuation makes me feel like I can’t catch my breath.

II

Friends who found jobs are all heading to work; it feels rare to still keep in touch with friends after graduation. The life of meeting up every day at school to play games has turned into a life where we just wait until evening to play a bit and chat.

I’m also a bit confused about my future path; I’m not quite sure what I really want. The root cause seems to be issues of time and age.

III

Sometimes I feel like I’m busy all day, but looking back, I don’t know what I’ve actually done day by day. It’s strange.

For example, I feel like I haven’t improved at all since finishing my recommendation for graduate school, but thinking back, I seem to have learned quite a bit. Where did that learning go?

I feel there’s a misconception in my learning approach; maybe my foundation in subjects like advanced calculus and linear algebra is too weak (?). Yet sometimes when I flip through them, I can understand them, but I just forget them. This shows how important it is to build my own knowledge base, but organizing these notes also takes a lot of time, which is a bit confusing. Has my memory deteriorated?

IV

Regarding family, I don’t know how to comment, but I just feel my mom is overly ’enthusiastic,’ which has led to many arguments between us.

I feel a good state is: appearing when needed, offering support, having a harmonious relationship, and not disturbing each other.

V

Sometimes I realize I’m very willing to rewrite a project from scratch; this might be the reason I have so many small projects.

But when it comes to projects I should be working on, like the update to my FedHF framework, I always keep putting it off.

There are probably two reasons: besides the lack of feedback, subjectively I don’t really want to do it. For example, regarding that configuration file issue, I actually know how simple it is… or if it’s complex, I’m even less willing to change it, and I’d rather just rewrite it from scratch.

Am I just born to like being pushed?

VI

Regarding parting, it’s truly only at the very end, when separation is inevitable, that one feels unforgettable pain, like that most lucid 4:30 AM.

VII

After communicating more with friends in the industry, I start to feel the question of meaning and whether something can create social value, and my thinking undergoes a slight shift.

VIII

Sometimes I really want to expand my influence; I will do so in the future, not limited to GitHub, but also including other self-media platforms.